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Die stands up and he and Lovett look over the edge of the roof and down at the smashed car below.
Die: “At least it didn’t explode.”
The car explodes.
Lovett starts hitting him.
Lovett: “You just had to say it didn’t you!?”
Die: “Ow. “
Lovett: “Just couldn’t keep your mouth shut!”
Die: “Ow. Ow!”
Quick fade to black.
Die: “OW!”
Saffron: “Shout it out!”
A few more seconds of black screen and then a slow fade into Alpha-Three’s office.
Lovett and Die are standing by the green chesterfield sofa yelling at each other. Harry is standing by Alpha-Three’s desk and Alpha-Three is sitting behind her desk.
Lovett: “And how is that my fault!? You shot the wheel!”
Die: “I said leave it to the traffic police!”
Lovett: “We’ve been trying to get our hands on those scumbags for months!”
Die: “Well now you’d need a sponge to even touch them.”
Lovett stifles a laugh
Lovett: “What?”
Die: “You know… before they exploded anyway.”
Lovett: “You idiot.”
They both start to laugh. Harry then stifles a laugh but Alpha-Three looks at her furious and Harry stops. Alpha-Three stands up, she is really angry.
Alpha-Three: “I am glad you two think this is funny! I hope you are still laughing when you’re in prison!”
Lovett and Die both stop laughing.
Lovett & Die: “Prison?”
Alpha-Three: “Yes!” “Do you have any idea how much shit you are both in this time?!”
Lovett: “But those bastar…”
Alpha-Three: “It doesn’t matter you maniacs! We can’t keep covering your psycho behaviour up!
Die: “Sir, I take full responsibili…”
Lovett: “No you won’t!”
Alpha-Three: “SHUT UP THE PAIR OF YOU!”
Alpha-Three bangs both her hands on the desk and stands there with her eyes closed and gritting her teeth. Harry looks at Lovett and Die wide eyed and with a hand she gestures for them to sit down. Lovett and Die look at each other and in silence sit down.
Alpha-Three takes a deep breath and slowly breathes out as she sits down and opens her eyes.
Alpha-Three: “Normally I would send you both for psychological assessment…”
Lovett and Die both take deep breaths to say something.
Alpha-Three: “BUT!” “I know what the assessment would be. You’re bloody nuts!”
Lovett-to Die-: “She must be talking about you.”
Alpha-Three: “Both of you!”
Lovett: “Me?”
Alpha-Three: “Yes! You’re both suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder! Can’t you idiots see that!?”
Lovett and Die look at each other.
Lovett & Die: “Are you?”
They both think for a second
Lovett & Die: “No… are you?”
Alpha-Three: “PACK IT THE HELL IN OR I SWEAR I WILL KICK THE PAIR OF YOU UP THE ARSE!”
Alpha-Three’s accent is usually rather posh and controlled but this time it is very East London and hard. Lovett, Die and Harry look at Alpha-Three with slight surprise. Alpha-Three screws up her eyes and face and then takes another deep breath and relaxes and opens her eyes again.
Alpha-Three: “You two have to stop this reckless craziness before one of you gets killed or worse some innocent member of the public dies because of your stupidity!”
Lovett and Die both look down a bit guilty.
Die: “Yes sir.”
Lovett: “Yes sir.”
There is a long silence
Alpha-Three: “Look, her majesty’s police force and her secret service owe you both a debt of gratitude for the things you have done and the people you have saved… but your recklessness is making it impossible for me to keep you out of the papers and out of prison! There are consequences to your actions and methods and I am stretching the meaning of the word ‘methods’ there. You are not above the law and you have to keep out of the headlines do you understand me?”
Die: “Yes sir we do.”
Lovett: “We do.”
Alpha-Three: “You better! Because one more balls up like this I will have your heads on spikes and won’t need to worry about prison!” “You have to disappear for a while.” “With that in mind…”
Harry pushes a tawny brown coloured folder across the desk to Alpha-Three.
Alpha-Three: “…it has been decided that you will be taking a sabbatical for a while.”
Lovett: “A what?”
Die: “Together?”
Alpha-Three: “An enforced leave of absence, yes together, and long way away from the UK… and me!”
Lovett: “Oh, like a holiday?”
Alpha-Three: “Yes like a ‘holiday’.”
Alpha-Three opens the tawny brown coloured folder and reads from it
Alpha-Three: “You will be on the new curse ship The Titan; leaving Southampton tomorrow and then calling at Cherbourg – France, Queenstown- Ireland and finally arriving in New York in the USA.”
Die: “That sounds…”
Lovett: “Nice!”
Die: “I was going to say ‘oddly familiar’ but nice too.”
Alpha-Three: “This is not a reward! This is you two disappearing for a while and staying out of trouble, got it?”
Slowly Lovett raises her right hand
Lovett: “Ummm… I don’t have a passport.”
Alpha-Three pulls something out of the folder and throws to Lovett.
Alpha-Three: “Yes you do.”
Lovett catches it and opens it. Alpha-Three takes another passport out of the folder and throws it to Die, who catches his too.
Lovett: “Oh good… Wait… Stephanie Broadchest!?”
Die: “James Secretan?”
Both Harry and Alpha-Three stifle a laugh.
Harry: “Yes. We thought it best that you both used pseudonyms.”
Alpha-Three: “Now both you kindly piss off out of my sight and go and pack or something… I really don’t care anymore just stay out of trouble… and don’t blow anything up!”
Harry picks up the folder and starts to walk to the door.
Harry: “I will show you out and give you the details.”
Lovett and Die both stand and walk towards the door. Lovett is still looking down at the passport.
Lovett: “Broadchest?”
Die: “We can get you a padded bra if you like.”
Lovett punches Die in his back.
Lovett: “And what is that meant to mean?!”
Die: “Nothing: I just meant…”
Lovett: “Oh I know what you meant!”
Die: “Why did you ask then?”
Lovett hits him again as the door closes.
Alpha-Three starts to laugh.
Fade to black.