Blog

Emma and Die look at Lovett with confusion their faces. The car stops and Lovett opens the door and goes to get out
Lovett: “Excuse me, I have to go vomit.”
Lovett gets out and slams the car door. Cut to black as the door slams.
Kylie Minogue sings
“Boy, it’s more than I dare to think about
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la”
Fade from black to: day time, a high up looking down wide view of an expensive Kensington terraced house. There is a police car, a black Jaguar F type and a police motorcycle parked by the road. On the pavement is a large crowd of reporters and photographers. The fount door of the house opens and we see Emma Watson walk out, the reporters and photographers jump into life crowding in, shouting questions at her and taking pictures. Behind Emma is a man in a black suit, white shirt and sky blue tie and he is pulling a suitcase on wheels; behind him is a woman wearing a large oversized red coat with the large hood pulled up and over her head. They walk down the path to the pavement and to the waiting and shouting crowd. Our view is high but gets higher as ‘we’ fly over the heads of everybody, slowing turning to face out towards the road with the house behind us. The man in the suit moves past Emma and pushes some reporters out of the way as she moves closer to them and the Jag’.
The camera view turns to face a top floor window of the house and we move towards the window, the sound of the reporters ringing out and we fade through the window into a large bedroom the sound from outside fades out too. View of the bedroom, a large bed and we turn and face the inside of the window where there is a man and a woman each side of the window looking out of it through the net curtains. We only see their backs as they talk.
Emma: “She walks nothing like me! She is going to mess this up. … Oh god what is she doing?”
Die: “I think she is picking her nose.”
Emma bangs on the window
Emma: “Stop it! Stop it you little goblin!”
Die grabs Emma’s arm as she goes to bang on the window again.
Die: “Emma! Clam down you’ll give the game away. Lovett is doing fine.”
Emma: “No one will ever believe that, that, that thing is me! She is delibratly trying to make me look bad isn’t she?”
Die: “No, she wouldn… ok, yes she would do that; but PC Carter is doing a good job pretending to be Lovett, as long as she can keep that silly hood up anyway.”
Emma: “It’s lucky that other detective is the same size as you isn’t it?”
Die looks down at himself with distain. He is wearing faded blue jeans and a white t-shirt and his shoulder holster.
Die: “Oh yes, so lucky.”
Emma: “I thought threatering to shoot him in the knees was a bit over the top though.”
Die: “I will do it if he scratches my car.”
They go back to looking out of the window. We zoom back to the window looking out and see Hogges, dressed as Die, putting the suitcase into the Boot of the Jag’. PC Carter, as Lovett, gets into the police car and Lovett, as Emma, stands next to the Jag as a reporter grabs her arm asking her a question. Our view zooms back so we see the backs of Die and Emma standing by the window looking out.
Emma: “Oh god no, what is she doing now?! I can’t look!”
Emma covers her eyes with her hands.
Die: “Well, she is scratching her bum, a bit too enthusiastically to be honest.”
Emma: “What?!”
Die: “And now she has… punched a reporter in the face.”
Emma: “No!”
Emma uncovers her eyes staring out the window!
Die: “He went down rather hard.”
Emma goes the bang on the window again
Emma: “I’ll kill her!”
Die grabs Emma around the waist and pulls her away from the window
Emma: “No! That ratbag! I’ll kill her!”
We ‘fly’ back out through the window to a high view and see Lovett getting into the Jag’ and close the door. The police car in front pulls away followed by the black Jaguar F type and the police motor bike. Some of the photographers’ break away running after the Jag. There is a male reporter, the one who grab Lovett’s arm, lying on the ground with a bloody nose.
Cut back to the bedroom. Emma is struggling in Die’s arms.
Emma: “I will bloody kill her! I’ll rip her ugly stupid head off of her scruffy hunched shoulders!”
Die is pulling her back and they both fall on to the bed.
Emma: “I’ll kill her dead Die!”
Emma and Die lay close to each other on the bed, Die’s right arm under her. Emma clams down a little and looks at Die as she pushes her hair out of her face.
Emma: “How on Earth do you put up with that woman?”
Die: “She grows on you.”
Emma: “I bet! Just like a festering fungus!”
Die: “Oddly that is a very ‘Lovett’ thing to say.”
Emma: “Oh don’t please. I’m nothing like her.”
Die raise his eye brows
Emma: “I’m not! She doesn’t even look much like me.”
She sits up and Die sits up too. Emma takes a deep breathe.
Emma: “Ok, so what do we do now?”
Die: “We wait and see if he goes after Lovett instead of you.”
Emma looks Die in the eyes and subtlety bites her lower lip for an instant.
Emma: “And while we wait?”
They look at each other for a while. And then Die suddenly stands up.
Die: “Lunch?”
Emma: “Not exactly what I was thinking.”
Die: “How about I make you a couple of big bacon sandwiches with loads of butter so it melts and runs down your hands as you eat it?”
Emma wrinkles her nose up.
Emma: “Oh god no. I do, however fancy a Waldorf salad.”
Die: “Hmmm.”
Emma: “Do you not like Waldorf salad?”
Die: “Oh yes I do. It’s just that ‘Waldorf salad’ or indeed ‘salad’ at all is such an unlike Lovett thing to say. Maybe you aren’t much like her after all.”
Emma: “Thank fuck for that!”
Die: “And she’s back in the room.”
Emma: “Shut up you idiot.”
Die: “Yep, there she is. Are you a method actor?”
Emma: “You better stop it Die or I’ll punch your lights out.”
Die: “That is perfect. You really are getting the hang of her now!”
Die walks out of the bedroom and Emma follows.
Emma: “I mean it Die, pack it in! I’m nothing like her. She’s horrible!”
Fade to black Kylie Minogue sings
“I just can’t get you out of my head
Boy, its more than I dare to think about”
….
After credits scene.
Fade from black to the front of Die’s large house. Emma Watson walks into view and up the drive way and she rings the doorbell.
Die opens the door and looks a little surprised to see her. Emma takes a few steps back.
Die: “Emma! Hi…”
Emma: “Hi…”
Die: “It’s lovely to see you.”
Emma: “It’s lovely to be seen.”
Die: “Would you…, like to come in?”
Emma: “No, sorry I can’t stay… I have a flight to catch. I’m… I’m going to New York for a while, I have a place there.”
Die: “Oh, I see.”
Emma: “I need to clear my head.”
Die: “Of course.”
Emma: “I need to clear it of you mostly… you’re more than I dare think about.”
Die: “I… I know the feeling.”
Emma: “I just wanted to say, thank you.”
Die: “No need to thank me Emma.”
Emma: “I…” “Die.”
She step forwards and touches Die’s face with her right hand and then they move closer together and she kisses him on the mouth. The kiss is long slow and passionate, the camera circles round them three times as they kiss. And Kylie Minogue sings
“La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la”
After a while Emma pulls back trying not to look at him. Die is in some kind of trance.
Emma: “I’m sorry, I have to go.” “Thank you Pórta.”
She turns to go. Die is still in a kind of trance and he slowly licks his lips. We see Emma from Die’s view and we watch her back as she is slowly walking away down the path.
Die slowly runs a finger across his lips. He snaps out of his trance.
Die: “Lovett.”
‘Emma’ stops but she doesn’t turn around we hear her whisper.
Lovett: “Shit.”
Die: “I know it’s you Lovett.”
We watch Lovett’s back as her hands and feet fidget a bit and then she turn round throwing her arms into the air.
Lovett: “How!? Come on I was perfect as her that time. What gave me away?”
She stands there with her hands on her hips.
Die: “Well, you were good but she doesn’t kiss like that.”
Lovett: “Oh! How would you know?!”
Die: “She kissed me.”
Lovett: “Yeah right.”
Lovett walks back towards Die
Lovett: “As if Emma Watson would kiss an old git like you.”
Die: “You just did.”
Lovett: “Well, yeah but that was a joke wasn’t it.”
Die: “Of course it was.”
Lovett: “It was!”
Die: “In that case I can’t wait until you do it seriously then.”
Lovett: “Dream on.”
Die: “I will.”
Lovett and Die look at each other for a while.
Die: “You want to come in?”
Lovett: “Yeah, why not.”
She pushes passed him into the door way.
Lovett: “What’s for lunch?”
Die: “I was going to make a Waldorf salad.”
Lovett stops and looks at him
Lovett: “What’s that then?”
Die: “Apples, celery, walnuts, grapes and lettuce with a mayonnaise dressing.”
Lovett: “Oh god no yuk. Got any bacon?”
Die: “Yes. Loads.”
Lovett: “Good.”
Lovett and Die enter the house and Die closes the door behind them. We hear them still talking but we stay outside the house just looking at the closed door.
Lovett: “How did you really know it was me?”
Die: “You taste like ginger beer.”
Lovett: “Oh no way!”
Die: “And Emma tastes like strawberries.”
Lovett: “Yeah she would.”
There is a long silence
Lovett: “How do you know what she tastes like?”
More silence.
Lovett: “Die?” “Die?” “Did she really kiss you!?” “DIE!”
Fade to black. End of episode eleven